这几天看了很多论坛，学习中，做8个月了一直都没有接到订单，郁闷……3 {5 n' ~7 K" s/ T  \8 @
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但是看看自己原来的开发信，与别人的对比了下，还有很多欠缺。所以现在改进一下，准备重新再次更加细致地跟踪客户，与客户沟通好。尽可能地开发出我能开发的客户。嘿嘿，麻烦大家帮我看看这封开发信有没有哪里需要改进的，这是我根据别人的范本做了一个大大的改动，有语法错误也还请指点一下。我英语底子很不好……顺便也跟大家分享一下。
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$ X3 \- e3 B' G% R' j7 \! SDear Sirs/Madams,
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Firstly, hereby I introduce ourselves—XXX Ltd., as a professional XXX Products supplier. We are located in XXX of China, take responsibility for controlling transport and contact with clients, which is the biggest seaport in China, so that the freight will be very convenient and fluent.
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  ?( [3 P9 {, [Secondly, our main factory is also located in XXX for saving the cost and it will be lower than inland. All of this we do is trying our best to save the cost serving better for our customer. Our business range included all kinds of XXX, XXX, XXX and so on. Especially, we can provide all kinds of XXX with best quality at the competitive prices.
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# H' _9 T0 n. `9 W* MLastly but the most important, we are interested in supplying our superior quality products for you on favorable terms and conditions in receipt of your specific requirements. Looking forward to long-terms, fruitful and stable cooperation with you. Take care* i/ A" J, u; ]# i! e8 u" f
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Best Regards,
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XXX9 O3 u8 W( H; b. C. i
Company Name:
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Fax:+ D" N; T; X/ C9 @" Z  B
大家尽量发表吧！

引用:

原帖由 zhoujianzhong 于 2008-4-15 01:24 PM 发表 , F0 g+ i1 f. R' \0 D! O
外贸也这么难做吗？

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4 s3 M' L- e3 s" C# `& \现在RMB对外升值，美国又搞个赤债危机，欧洲也受到影响，再加上我自己来公司也没有人带，自己又不聪明，公司的平台也是不非常好……
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' d8 [. ]* L8 i/ h总上所述，你说好做不？？

咋滴没人指点下……

嗨，看来求人不如求已 ……' E7 A7 F* P) H# z6 L
没人理我，自己再看看……
# x& O# \/ S0 c% f( ?  F给自己加油

不好意思啊！
, M6 C( t3 M5 G! d1 M想帮你却无能为力，我英文底子也不好

我给你看看我们公司副总发的，我的英语不咋的，没有办法帮你！！

Dear Mr. Gregg Champion:
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" J! b' ~% J$ }+ B& TWe have learned your information from the PGA show and have visited your attractive website.  It is our greatest pleasure to introduce ourselves to you as a potential partner in the near future.
2 B" d' }2 |0 F7 pMascot Garments Mfg., Inc was established in 1979 as a professional knitwear manufacturer in Taiwan.  Basing on the quality insistences and continuous service, Mascot had not only earned an overall customer satisfaction and built a tremendous reputation in Japanese market in the past three decades but also is building the same thing in the Western markets recently.
$ h2 ]5 W. h* K9 T: p9 [To match the increasing demand from our customers and to catch the fashion trend, Mascot had established two factories located in Shanghai and Taicang, China.  There are more than 800 employees with an annual 2.6 million piece garment production capacity at moment.  Consisting in the same quality maintenances with highly advanced equipment, Mascot wishes to provide our customer an even better service and products.( q: }2 F- q( E2 `% s, L/ k
Mascot is continuously serving several famous brands globally, such as Coogi, Greg Norman, Oakley, Dunlop Motorsport, Lyle & Scott, Cleveland, Maxfli, Wimbledon, Dolce Margarita, Jaguar Club, Paris Sport, U.P. renoma, Katana Golf and Nicklaus.1 c9 _/ Q0 z7 x! s& j
After visiting your website and knowing your products, we believe that we can supply you the most qualified knitwear with a competitive price.  We are specialized in polo shirts and sportswear production.  There shall be great mutual benefit when building the business between us.  Please also check our website http://www.mascotmfg.com to get more information for your reference.
) P8 ^2 w: N) E! {3 m( JWe look forward to providing our products & service to you soon.2 i# `5 V5 L8 R: [7 g

  ]& B3 i, _2 z1 N" [Sincerely yours,2 }6 g  Y/ ?: D) O, B+ N
Mascot Garments Mfg., Inc.

顺便打广告！！！哈哈！！ :tb1 :tb1 :tb1 :tb1

引用:

原帖由 Sandy_Ji 于 2008-4-15 07:43 PM 发表   J4 g2 I4 [! h% b/ l% I. ?
Dear Mr. Gregg Champion: ) d4 o7 @  X5 U8 ], P
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We have learned your information from the PGA show and have visited your attractive website.  It is our greatest pleasure to introduce ourselves to you as a potential ...

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这么长呀？原来我的开发信也跟这封差不多，介绍了公司各方面。但是我发了8个月了，效果不知道是好还是坏。所以想换种方法，再两者对比一下，看看用哪一种的好。嘿嘿，不管怎么样先谢谢了哈！

引用:

原帖由 冲着外贸来滴 于 2008-4-15 12:07 PM 发表
2 I' w. [; {3 `+ Q$ O这几天看了很多论坛，学习中，做8个月了一直都没有接到订单，郁闷……1 x7 r1 e4 m: |. ?/ N

# ^: K1 e0 @/ ^- n但是看看自己原来的开发信，与别人的对比了下，还有很多欠缺。所以现在改进一下，准备重新再次更加细致地跟踪客户，与客户沟通好。尽可能地开 ...

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1.开头 We supply xxxx at competitive price / at excellent quality. 二选一.
- Z* P% k4 M" m' E; }2.公司介绍, 最好一句话, 并告知通过的认证.
6 @9 c+ d5 w1 F5 T, m3.提供网站. 一定是企业自己的网站, 方便客户联系你。
2 d9 B1 D/ D3 F) @" B4.联系方式. 包括公司名称, 地址, 邮编,电话号码, 传真号码, 企业邮箱地址,联系人和职位.% D: G) c* I# p4 d% b% o: c. n: ^9 w

8 \9 Q- h$ Y) V) a4 Y$ e9 f3 H; c不要过多介绍公司是什么leading, professional ！