刚刚开始做外贸。前2天自己写了封邮件。可发出去效果不是很好5 z9 V! K9 ]' P  m
后来看论坛 ，学了点东西，又重新写了份。。请各位达人帮忙挑下刺4 ?1 K' E  {6 Q. `" M8 _+ o

Hello! Sir,

/ ?* c2 s; }1 G' x" ~3 ]& W2 l/ AIt is great pleasure to see you in last canton fair. ( }7 R$ f0 n$ F; ]) O* V' J) m, b$ T4 W' l
and know that you are in the market for stainless steel, which just fall into our business scope .We are writing to enter into business relations with you on a basis of mutual benefits and common developments

I introduce ourselves XX,as a professional stainless steel Products supplier. We are located in XX which is the biggest that make stainless steel town in China, so that the quality and prices will be very well and low.

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We mainly produce stainless steel products ,such as shackles wire rope clips ,ringer, turnbuckles, snap books ,swivel, eye bolts, eye nuts, U-bolt , round ring , abnormity products and according to drawing and sample. : E# \2 G/ f2 a3 F! n. ^, h, f
You can see our web www.XXXX.COM  and contact us.

Looking forward to long-terms, fruitful and stable cooperation with you.

I look forward to hearing from you!0I

Best regards

*******

:tbxin

我看行

1. We are located in XX which is the biggest that make stainless steel town in China, so that the quality and prices will be very well and low.  ？？？! C* G: n+ W$ z
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什么意思？ 客户不会理解你的这个句子。最大的厂家，产品就最便宜吗？？
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( O5 N4 U2 V! U2. You can see our web www.XXXX.COM  and contact us.  ??8 X4 p' w4 H  b
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典型的中式英语 。 可该为： Please visit our website for more.1 Q% w, c. u) a' @
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3. We mainly produce stainless steel products ,such as shackles wire rope clips ,ringer, turnbuckles, snap books ,swivel, eye bolts, eye nuts, U-bolt , round ring , abnormity products and according to drawing and sample ？？5 ^+ Q7 j; l( B2 }8 V

, ^; L5 p; l8 p9 E0 l8 y' c这么多产品，客户看的头晕了。
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建议：1. 不要过多的说自己是professional
0 j( `3 K$ p5 c            2.  句子写短点，记得分段，整封信写的短点。$ ~# y8 j; f7 x. Q& z
      3. 在开头告知是你们是什么公司，上次见面时谈了什么。
4 C8 a- Z4 ^# |      4.邮件的内容应包括：你们是做什么产品的？有什么优势？价格还是质量？ （开头写清楚），然后介绍公司（最好一句话，并告知网址）。 最后留下联系方式，公司名称，地址，邮编等等。! [4 ~7 C6 G+ W, _
      5. 认真学习英语写作。

eh,TKS!& {- E) o. k8 g8 K* `. e+ H7 \4 T& |% l
I  will make an effort  to do this job!

比我第一次写的要好！

那是我们站在了巨人的肩膀上啊

so that the quality and prices will be very well and low
. j" F. Z9 G0 p; g. `8 _2 M这句话有语病哦